Becoming Somebody Read online

  “Mom,” I warned.

  “Really. I’ll come next time,” she smiled, and I could feel my breathing and heart rate speed up once again.

  “Don’t you want to be with me?” Mara’s tiny voice sounded from behind us.

  “Yes, sweet girl, I do, but I’ve got stuff to do. You and I can hang out after school this week when Mom’s working. Sound good?” Mom stood before kneeling in front of Mara.

  “Ok,” she grinned before leaning over and wrapping her little arms around my mom’s neck. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “That’s right. You and I have a date to make cookies,” my mom glanced at me once more before heading out the door and leaving the three of us alone.

  “So are you still coming?” Mara stared at Dev.

  “Sure am,” I watched his face morph in front of me. Mara had him under her spell. I could see it. The anger that was there had melted away and wonder now filled its place.

  “Come on Mommy, time’s a wastin’,” she rushed to the door and bounced on her toes.

  “Ok, ok, I’m coming,” I looked over at Dev one last time before following my little girl out into the hallway. Dev followed behind us, not saying a word. I could tell that Mara had him mesmerized. I silently wondered if he could see himself in her, I knew I could.

  ooooooooo

  We drove my car to the local park, and as soon as we got there, Mara took off for the playground. Dev and I trailed behind her in search of a place to sit and talk. Mara was at that age where she would make friends easily and just needed a watchful eye. Most days, we’d play together, but now, as I folded my legs under me at the base of a tree, I marveled at how independent she’d gotten.

  “How old is she?” Dev broke the silence between us first, and I swallowed.

  “So you want to do this now, huh?” I refused to look at him.

  “Sam,” he paused before he crossed his arms over his chest. “If she’s mine I have a right to know her.”

  I slowly nodded, “I know you do. I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve said that, several times now,” he huffed.

  “She’s three… she’ll be four in April,” I shifted, and brought my knees up to my chest. “I wasn’t trying to keep her from you,” I darted my eyes toward him and then glanced back at Mara. “I don’t want her hurt. She doesn’t know anything about you.”

  I could feel him stiffen beside me, “Why?”

  I closed my eyes and released a sigh, “I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. I didn’t know if she’d still be a baby if I did. She needed to have a dad.”

  “What are you trying to tell me?” Dev turned so he was facing me. He studied my face, and his eyes held a pain I had never seen before. “Is there someone else? Are you seeing someone right now?”

  I shook my head slowly, “No,” I swallowed, “but I was.”

  “In Nevada,” he nodded in understanding.

  “Yeah,” I whispered. “When I moved there, I didn’t know I was pregnant. I did all the things I’d always done when I had to move. I got a place to live, a job; I tried to start over… again.” I blinked a few time as I felt tears resurface. I knew I wasn’t telling him what he wanted to hear, but I had promised honesty and I was trying to keep my word. “I met Andy the day I started my job,” I cringed when Dev shifted away. “I’m sorry. We didn’t start out together,” I shrugged. “He was my boss. He was nice. We worked well together and things just sort of escalated from there.

  It was a natural progression, and when he found out I was pregnant, he stepped up. I didn’t tell him anything about you. He knew the baby wasn’t his. We hadn’t gotten that far in our relationship yet. I told him the father didn’t know. He was okay with that. When Mara came along, we moved in together. He treated Mara as his own,” I sucked my lip into my mouth, and bit down on it.

  “Where is he now?” Dev’s voice was strained.

  “In Vegas. I broke things off when I knew I was coming back here.” I placed my head on my bent knee and began crying. “He was so heart broken,” I sobbed. “He thought we had a future.”

  “Did you?” Dev reached out and slowly placed his arm around my shoulders.

  I peered up at him, “No, I couldn’t love him like that; I still loved you.” I wiped at my eyes, “I stayed for her.”

  Dev’s brow furrowed as he watched our daughter skip around the playground.

  “She thinks he’s her dad,” I cried harder. “She thinks he didn’t want her anymore. When we left, I told her it was an adventure. She asked about him for a while after we were settled. Now, she’s stopped asking, but it breaks my heart a little more each day to have her cry for him. I know you probably hate me,” I sniffed, “but please don’t be mad at her. She needs a dad.”

  I watched his eyes soften as he listened to me plead with him. I could tell that his emotions were warring inside him, and I felt bad for the way I’d dumped all of this on him. “Say something,” I begged.

  “I,” he pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed hard. “I don’t know what to say. When were you going to tell her about me?”

  “I was waiting until we talked. I didn’t want to tell her anything unless you wanted her. I didn’t want to set her up for more heartbreak,” I released a shuddering breath. “She deserves happiness. I don’t want her childhood to be anything like mine was.”

  “You named her Mara,” his lips curled into a lopsided smile, “after my mom.”

  “I did,” my head bobbed when I returned the smile.

  “Why?” he pleaded with me.

  “Because she’s yours. I wanted something to remember you by,” I leaned to the side and placed my head on his shoulder.

  “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Mara came rushing at us at top speed causing Dev and me to shoot apart. She stood there for a moment, staring at us, before she shrugged her little shoulders and pointed at the slide. “Can you come help so I can go on the slide?”

  Dev darted his eyes from me to her as he looked for clarification. “She can’t go up there by herself. It’s too high,” I whispered.

  “I heard that,” Mara teased.

  I started to stand, but Mara shook her head at me, “Not you,” she scowled. “I want,” she scratched her head like she was thinking, “What’s your name again?” she pointed at Dev.

  Shock covered his face as he looked from me to her, “Dev.”

  “Can you help me, Dev?” she smiled sweetly and watched him rise to his feet.

  “Don’t you want me?” I wrinkled my forehead.

  “No,” Mara shook her head. “Boys are stronger. He can pick me up easier,” she giggled like it was common knowledge then took off for the slide. She paused after a few steps and turned to see if Dev was following, then she giggled again as he jogged after her. I watched them slow as they neared the playground, and my heart soared.

  I’d been waiting for this moment for so long. Mara didn’t know who her knight was, but seeing father and daughter play together was something I’d longed for over the years. Dev was a natural with her, and as she smiled up at him, I could see the hero worship all over her face. I leaned back against the tree and let the tears flow. I was tired of trying to hold them back, and as they coated my cheeks, I embraced them. This was it. This was what I’d been waiting for. I only hoped that it wouldn’t be yanked away.

  Chapter 11

  After our day at the park, I didn’t see Dev for three days. I didn’t know if he was avoiding me, or if I’d just shocked him so much that he was trying to figure out what he wanted. I did know that he’d made an impression on Mara. She’d asked me numerous times when he was going to hang out with us again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I didn’t know. I wanted Dev to want to be with us, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to.

  The bar had been running smoothly, and as the holidays loomed on the horizon, I was trying to figure out some new marketing techniques. Tiff had suggested having live music again. I wasn’t even sure how to go about that
, but Chris was in a band and had volunteered to be our house band while we figured it out.

  “You sure this is a good idea?” I muttered to Tiff as I watched Chris set up the amp on the small stage in the back corner.

  “Are you kidding me right now?” Tiff gasped as tossed her hands in the air. “You were here when Tori did this, right?” she asked sarcastically. “I mean… we couldn’t move in here, it was so packed. The night we did this back when we opened went great.”

  “You’re right,” I slowly nodded as I let my shoulders relax. “I think I’m just worried that we’re not going to be able to handle the business.”

  “We’ve got this,” Tiff knocked into me playfully and grinned.

  “Yeah, ok,” I sighed and dropped down into a chair.

  “Tell me what’s really bothering you?” she pulled out the chair beside me and reached across the table, placing her hand lightly on top of mine. “Is it Dev?”

  I peered up at her with what I’m sure looked like a ‘duh face’, “It’s always about him.”

  “What did he do?” She sat there waiting patiently for me to spill it.

  “It’s more about what he didn’t do. I told him about Mara. He spent the day with us and then disappeared. He hasn’t been home when I have, and he hasn’t tried to call me. I don’t know what to think.”

  “Maybe he’s working,” she shrugged. “Jase hasn’t been in here in over a week. Maybe they got a new case that they can’t get away from.”

  “But why can’t he at least call?” I huffed. “He wants me to tell Mara about him, but this is what I am afraid of. I don’t want him to just disappear after she gets attached.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. Keep trying. Maybe he just needs time to adjust. Give him a few more days. Besides,” she grinned, “your mom’s got Mara tonight. We’re going to have fun,” she stood and shoved my shoulder lightly. “After we shut this place down tonight,” she winked like she had this huge secret, and then leaned over, “you and I have a date with that bottle of tequila over there.”

  “Tiff,” I rolled my eyes.

  “Don’t Tiff me,” she leaned back shocked. “We haven’t cut loose in forever. You don’t have a reason to rush home, and we’re going celebrate something tonight, whether it's this whole live music tanking or being a smashing success.”

  “You are…” I shook my head. “I don’t have words for what you are.”

  “A great friend,” she giggled before leaving me sitting there.

  As the afternoon turned to evening, I forgot my troubles. I was really too busy to think about anything other than the task in front of me. Since Chris was playing tonight, I was going to take his spot behind the bar. It was second nature for me, and the more I relaxed, the more I forgot.

  “We need to cut these then I think we’re good,” Tiff slammed a box of oranges and pineapple on the counter. “I hate cutting fruit. I always get sticky,” she grumbled as she grabbed a knife.

  “You always have something to complain about when it comes to this,” I shook my head as I grabbed an orange. “I don’t mind cutting them if you want to do one more sweep through the game room and make sure we’re all set?”

  “You don’t have to tell me twice,” she laughed as she bolted from her spot.

  I chuckled as I watched her scurry across the room and disappear around the corner. I’d kept the pool tables and dart boards in the other room. They always brought a crowd, and after that long ago night that Dev and I’d spent here playing pool, I couldn’t really make myself get rid of them. They held too many memories. Every time I looked at them, I pictured all the things he’d done to me on that pool table that night.

  “We’re all set up front,” Mason, my doorman, called as he began walking toward me. “What kinda cover are you charging for the music?”

  “Nothing tonight,” I shrugged as I continued to cut fruit. “I want to see how well it does first. If we get too busy, I’ll let you know and you can hold people at the door.”

  “Sounds good, boss,” he nodded as he grabbed a bottled water out of the beer cooler. “I’ll be taking a smoke break now. I’m not sure when I’ll get another.”

  “Ten-four,” I saluted him and giggled when he rolled his eyes at me. Even though I was the boss, I didn’t rule over my employees. We had a good relationship, and they respected me, but I knew how to cut loose and have fun.

  Later that evening, I laughed as I began thinking about how worried I’d been about the evening. We were anything but slow. The place was so packed you could barely move. Tiff and I were in a rhythm behind the bar, and time was flying by. The band had been a hit, and even though every available space was in use, I had a line around the block. I couldn’t help the grin on my face. I wished my dad could see me now. He’d be so proud. I used to tell him stories about what my life was going to be like when we finally were able to be normal again. Owning a bar wasn’t one of the fantasies, but running a business was. I knew somewhere he was looking down on me smiling.

  “I told you this would happen,” Tiff yelled from the far end. “What you’ve got is a gold mine.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I rolled my eyes. “You were right,” I laughed as I served the next customer.

  “You keep the crowds like this, and I’ll forget you ever doubted me.” She squeezed behind me and grabbed a beer. “This is insane; we’re gonna be rich.”

  Seeing her smile and watching all the customers brought a grin to my face. We’d been successful since I’d opened, but nothing like this. She was right; I had a gold mine. Now I just needed to make sure that I could find the entertainment to keep it this way.

  The hours breezed by as the crowd continued to gyrate to the heavy bass. I wasn’t sure if it would ever slow down. My feet were killing me, and sweat trickled down my back and between my boobs. It had been a long time since I’d worked this hard. The temperature in the place also seemed to climb exponentially as the evening progressed. “It’s fucking hot in here,” Tiff screamed over the crowd. “Tell Mason to prop open the door.”

  “I’m hot, too,” I yelled back at her. “The band’s almost done with their set though. I think the crowd will thin down some after that. We’re only open for another hour.”

  “I don’t know about that,” a deep voice sounded from behind me.

  I spun, thinking that I might know the person, but the guy in front of me was not who I wanted it to be. “Do I know you?” I leaned against the bar.

  “Not yet,” he winked. “But you will.”

  “Pretty sure of yourself, huh?” I stood straighter. “What can I get you?”

  “Well,” he tapped his chin as a wicked grin spread across his face. “Since you’re not on the menu, I’ll take a Bud.”

  I closed my eyes and slowly let a breath escape me, “Coming right up.”

  “That’s what they all say,” he snickered.

  “Excuse me,” I scowled as I placed the beer in front of him.

  He made a sweeping motion across the front of himself before looking back at me. He lifted the beer, took a sip, and then leaned closer, like he had a secret. “I’m already up,” he took another sip, “and the only coming I want to do is with you.”

  I jerked back so fast I almost lost my footing, “Who the hell do you think you are?”

  “I’m the band’s manager, Josh,” he winked again as he held his hand out for me to shake.

  I groaned as I turned away from him. “Fucking great,” I muttered. Chris hadn’t told me he had a douche for a manager.

  “Ok then,” he laughed as he stuck his hand back in his pocket. “Thanks for the beer,” he lifted it in a salute before turning to disappear into the crowd.

  “What the hell was that,” Tiff poked me in the shoulder.

  “A real live dick,” I huffed.

  “Too bad,” she sighed. “He’s hot.”

  “Yeah, but he knows it. You should have heard him,” I served the next customer as she watched me. “He thinks he’s the
shit. I’m sure he’s a player, and with the band, he’s always got girls around who are willing.”

  “Yeah… I know the type,” she grumbled as she pushed away from me. “You better learn to get along with him, though, if you want to keep this kinda crowd; you’re gonna have to put with that.”

  “Don’t remind me,” I reached for a towel and began wiping down the bar. In the last half hour, the crowd had thinned out considerably. The band was packing up their equipment, and patrons either had found a table to sit at, or had left. The place seemed deserted. It wasn’t, but compared to what we had a mere hour ago, it felt like it.

  “Last call,” Tiff yelled over the jukebox that was now filling the place with recorded music. A few people got up, but most finished their drinks and began heading toward the doors. Mason was there, checking for Designated Drivers, and wishing everyone a safe trip home.

  “Thanks,” I waved at him as he closed the door behind the last customer.

  “No problem; now hand me a beer,” he grinned. “After tonight, I need one.”

  “Oh,” Tiff made a pouty face and began talking in a baby voice, “Did Mason have a rough night?”

  “You could say that,” he chuckled as he snatched the beer that I’d just placed on the bar.

  “What happened?” Tiff continued to taunt him, “Did you get hit on one too many times?” she batted her eyes as Mason’s face began to redden. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

  “Shut up!” he grumbled. “My girl doesn’t understand that I don’t see anyone but her.”

  “I think it’s sweet that you worry like that,” I smiled softly as I thought about how protective Dev was of me when he’d thought I was someone else.

  “You and every other person in a relationship,” he groaned. “Single girls don’t get it. They see all this,” he waved at his muscled chest, “and all they want is to try to catch my attention. When I tell them I’m with someone, they laugh and try harder.”